Resolving Conflicts Between Relationship (by Bushra Ansari)
A conflict between people is a fact of life and of a great concern today which can occur due to misunderstanding, miscommunication, deception or having different values, beliefs, goals and attitudes. According to Weiten et al. (2003) "Interpersonal conflicts exist whenever two or more people disagree". Different type of discrepancies can exist between parents and children, between siblings, between spouses, between friends, between client and health professionals and at work places. It happens when both the parties perceive that they may not achieve their goals, with the interference of other party. With this sense, they both express their feelings in terms of conflicts. I selected this topic because it is a common problem in our everyday life but important thing is that how to tackle this problem in order to reduce stress in our lives.
Conflicts between different relationships are the grave issue throughout the world and value-based conflicts are a particular problem in intimate relationships. A report says that "There is a lot of concealment of real facts and presentation of disbursed pictures of family situations, domestic quarrels, differences between siblings and restrictions on the females. This can lead to deliberate self harm among Pakistani women" (Pak J Med Science, 2001). According to the research, conducted in Department of Psychiatry, Aga Khan University Hospital, Karachi, Pakistan. "Para suicidal attempts are the effects of interpersonal conflicts". Avoiding conflict can lead to self-perpetuating cycle which involves: think conflict as bad----nervousness about experiencing conflict---avoiding conflict as long as possible---conflict is out of control and confrontation occurs---- handle it badly.
Conflicts b/w parents and children:
Conflicts between parents and adolescents are most common. When a child grows up, parental influence becomes more in order to keep an eye on teen-ager's activities. This can lead to conflicts between parents and children about their roles and values, as an adolescent wants to become more independent as compared to a child. Another factor is that how parents have different opinions in order to discipline the children. Decisions made by the more forceful parent when one parent "gives in" to the other. Furthermore, peer pressure on adolescents is also affecting adolescent's activities and attitudes which may worry the parents about the child's declined behavior. Generation gap is one more factor of conflicts in which grandparents can also disagree with the way their grandchildren are parented. These conflicts can generate psychosocial issues. Resolution is necessary to avoid prolonged separation and to relieve stress. Regardless of age, individuals are tended to employ compromise and withdrawal for settlement. Take a plenty of time to start discussion on the resolution of these conflicts. Parents-children sitting to handle the problem, and find out the resolution are very essential in order to get a proper self-concept. Give the children incentive on their good abilities will make them more confident and they will do rely on your assay.
Between siblings:
Commonly siblings have indicated intimacy, closeness, trust, communication and interdependence but sometimes sibling's rivalry starts even before the second child is born. Because of lack of attention of mother to first child and it continues as the kids grow and then compete for everything from toys to attention. As kids reach different stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly affect how they relate to one another. Most brothers and sisters experience some degree of jealousy or competition, and this can flare into squabbles and bickering. If these conflicts get prolonged then they diminish the long-term viability of relationship. In order to avoid them parents should identify developing needs, individual nature or sick need of the child and teach the children that how to intermingle properly with each other. Parents should pay attention on each individual child and consider the special need of children to give equal treatment and adequate emotional support to their children.
Between spouse:
Although all married couples have problems. These can include over expectations, deception, time management between job and family, criticism, putdowns, power struggles and abuse. Thus, positive interactions are increasingly replaced by negative interactions. Tension can build up in the relation that becomes harder and harder to deal with. These modes of interactions become "normal," then gradually the positive interactions become rare. Sometimes couples may face the "closeness versus separateness dilemma." It says that "one partner wants more intimacy and closeness and the other wants more privacy and independence (Christensen and Heavey, 1990). In order to overcome these conflicts a partner should understand other partner perception, emphasize the positive qualities of the other, communicate properly, give plenty of time to the spouse, share thoughts, feelings, interests and jokes, criticize in a positive manner, and do not physically and psychologically abuse the partner. With these strategies, they will become increasingly intimate and "in tune" with each other. Ann Lander says in "Truth in stranger" that: "All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest--never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership."
Between friends:
Loyalty, emotional support and make your own floor for your friend is the basis for friendship. Such "conditional" expectations remain in every mind but when a friend is trying to take negative advantage of these conditions then abiding of these conditions would be difficult. Conflicts between friends depend on fidelity, devotion, and allegiance but sometimes these emotional states begin to be ruined. At that moment friends do not know who from them is guilty and also who from them is not guilty and friendship breaks between them. Another reason of divergence is the gender difference in friendship. "Men's friendships are typically based on shared interests while women's friendships more often focus on talking usually about feelings and relationships (Fehr, 1996, 2000). To sort out the solution of the divergence of friendship, there should be support and help from both the sides. Share news of success and failure, be optimistic, do the best to make a friend happy, strengthen him or her at the time of sorrows, and be trustworthy every time.
Conflicts at work places:
Compatibility between employees at the work place leads to conflicts. They arise from alienated loyalty, disputes, discrepancy or antagonism. Here "type A" personality may unwrap in which a person have a strong competitive orientation, impatience, time urgency, anger and hostility. He wants to be more distinguishing than others. Due to his hard personality, he wishes to be overseen, so conflicts get started between him and his boss or with other colleagues. In my opinion to resolve these conflicts with the positive psychological approach, give more attention to other colleagues and let them know that they are respectable. By expressing the views tentatively, make others to feel that the person is flexible. Furthermore, considering others as equal will make a person humble and modest in front of others. On the other hand, issues such as pain control, communication styles, interpersonal interactions as well as about treatment decisions can escort the client and health professional relationship. Occasionally this relationship ends up into conflicts because of negligence in client's care or if the client is not able to understand the point of view of health professionals about his or her health recovery. Sigmund Freud proposed that internal conflicts generate considerable psychological distress. Sometime it also happen that, health care professionals not paying attention properly towards clients because of their personal matters. When client point out this lacking, these professionals became discouraged. Hence, lack of self-efficacy can indulge the professionals into more stress. To resolve this problem, health care professional must make their psychological and social energy stronger to work properly and give the client a quality care. And also make the clients psychologically satisfied that clients are receiving proper care from a reliable person.
Many of the social issues can also direct to the creation of divergence between these relationships. As now days, load shedding is the major problem of the country. Due to this problem, so many people can end up into different types of conflicts with the effect of stress. For example, at home if a person spends uncomfortable time with lack of sleep. Then in the morning, he may have frustrated or aggressive on others because of fatigue and improper sleep. These may alter his functioning capabilities and communication styles. (Dollard et al., 1939) proposed that aggression is always due to frustration and ventilating frustration in inappropriate way turns out to be reason of interpersonal conflicts. Poverty and unemployment are additional basis of conflicts and are inherently traumatic so these factors can also direct towards stress. "Stress is any circumstance that threatens or is perceived to threaten one's well being and thereby tax one's coping abilities." (Weiten & Lloyd, 2003) (p.63). With the stress, people can be more prone to other physiological and psychological or social illness or sickness like hypertension, heart diseases, depression, social isolation etc.
.................
